Stopp-ed at a Crossroad.

Every once in a while, life brings out the flashing lights, waves its arms, and screams into the megaphone, "YOU ARE AT A CROSSROAD!!!"

As we all well know, life can be pretty discreet most of the time, hiding some of her biggest changes in a smile, a missed bus, or an exam score.  Next thing we know, we're married to the smiler.  Or we meet a very important stranger at the bus stop.  Or we qualify for admission into a school we never expected to get in to and end up following a new life path.  If life made us aware of how big every decision we make really was, existing would be pretty exhausting.

So, instead, she picks her moments.  And these are the times times when she pulls out all the stops.  For some reason, life decides this is a decision she's going to let you make.  Perhaps to her, they are the small things.  'My lease is up, where will I live next?'  To us, it's a huge decision.  A decision involving contracts, and movers, and more money than we sometimes can afford.  To her, this is a minor detail.   Her work involves the little things that fill in all of the other moments of our existence.

So my round-about advice is enjoy the 'big' decisions because perhaps they are the smallest ones you'll make.  And what seem to be the most insignificant ones--smiling at a stranger--could change the path of your life forever. 

So, YOU ARE AT A CROSSROAD!!  Life's little inside joke to make you feel important.  No matter which path you take, it will all work out.

Smok-ed Apple Pie

Sometimes I wish there was a purely healthy form of smoking.  Is that weird?  Perhaps as dangerous for your health as lighting a portable scented candle. 

Standing on a chilly street corner, waiting for the bus, I think 'Wouldn't it be great to have something warm to puff on? Wouldn't it be sexy to be surrounded by a cloud that smells like cinnamon and cloves and apple pie?  And in the next room I enter, everyone would take a deep breath--of me--and smell home?'  There's no need for addictive chemicals or harmful additives; it would be like the perfectly ripe, juicy fruit in a world of sticky candy.

These apple pie cigarettes would of course only work in the winter.  Who wants to puff on a garden stick in the middle of summer as sweat drips from their brow?  Like mittens or earmuffs, the scented sticks would serve only as a means for warmth, company, and fragrance.  Like a smokey perfume that passes the lonely hours by your side.  Wouldn't that be nice?

Addict-ed to Love, and TV.

So a few months ago, I signed up for a Netflix account.  (I know, I know, I'm a little slow.)  Ever since, the boyfriend and I have become complete junkies.  So much so that last night, I took the next step and upgraded my account.  It's a dangerous addiction.

Our main staple is, of course, the famed series, Mad Men.  We have come to love Don Draper and his debonaire, alcoholic, chain-smoking ways.  But, to make things worse, last night we discovered Dexter, the relatively ground-breaking series about a serial killer that choses his victims in the name of making the world a better place, essentially eliminating the bad guys one villian at a time.  Though Dexter can be a somewhat dark and disturbing show, we are both now sucked in.

Surprisingly, last night's episode evoked a rather interesting thought.  Dexter comes across a villian couple--two individuals who are in cahoots on a terrible human trafficking plan, but who also happen to be in love.  Just before he kills and dismembers them, he poses this question: "How can two people as awful as you two still be in love with one another?"  In rushed gasps they both mutter that they share the same dreams for their lives--in this case the dream was to obtain obscene amounts of money no matter what the cost--but the idea seemed to stick with me.

What if the reason a relationship works is because the mutual dreams line up with one another in such a way that a unified bond is undeniable.  Like the way the proteins of DNA match up because their physical and chemical properties just seem to work with one another, what if we work with our romantic partner because all of the little nooks and cranies of our beings match up with theirs? 

As a test, I asked: "What's your life dream, babe?"
In his characteristic simple eloquency, he responded, "I don't know, I'd like to just be happy.  Doesn't really matter how, I just want love and happiness and a couple of kids."

Huh, maybe Dexter is onto something here.

Staycation-ed

This weekend felt like a vacation.  We ventured no further than a few miles from home, but I felt like I couldn't have been farther away from real life.  Here are a few tips I used this weekend that may help to reproduce that staycation feel.

1. Find a really awesome staycation partner who is available all weekend (hint: boyfriends work perfectly for this).
2. Make a pact that you will only plan when it feels natural.  No need to map out every detail of Sunday when it's only Friday afternoon.  Minimal preparation may be required, but the minute planning feels exhausting, give it up.  This especially pertains to the small, minute details.  It doesn't really matter if you shower then have lunch, or have lunch then shower.  You'll figure it out in the moment.
3. Incorporate family (or friends who feel like family) for part of a day.  In our case we brunched and explored with mom and dad.  It was the perfect way to introduce new conversation.
4. Do something active.  Shoot some hoops, play a game of tennis, go for a walk.  Doesn't matter what the activity is, you feel better when you get the blood moving.
5. Pick one day to forgo primping.  Ladies, this means no makeup, no blow drying, just au naturale.  Gentlemen, put down the razor.
6. Buy yourself something small, but special.  I chose a new bag, he picked up a few pairs of work pants after I told him his butt looked even better than usual in khaki.
7. Cook.  It doesn't have to be anything complex, but make sure to prepare at least one meal from scratch. Not only is it healthier for your body, it gives a great feeling of accomplishment and togetherness.
8. Snuggle, cuddle, bury yourself under covers.  
9. Find at least one hour to be awake and a alone.  Do whatever you like with that hour (read, go for a run, play that new game on your iPhone), but do not allow any interruptions.
10. Drink wine at lunch.  No, I'm not promoting alcoholism or other unhealthy habits, but instead I'm endorsing any activity that feels special in it's own right.  

Let me know how it goes next weekend.

pic: weheartit 

Controll-ed Freak

So a lot has happened since we last spoke.  For one, I'm actually enjoying my job, which perhaps in part explains my blogging absence.  It is amazing what a little recognition and an extra responsibility or two does for the morale. 

I also have been working on a new mantra: Don't fight it.

In the past, I spoke about energy.  I explored the idea that we only have a finite amount of force that we can dedicate to the world.  Sometimes we unnecessarily spend energy on things we cannot control.  I found that I was spending a lot of time and energy on trying to change a world that was built with me in mind.  And believe it or not, life is pretty self-sufficient.  You don't have to plan out every minute of every day because life will figure it out without any help from you.

But life can also be pretty cooperative.  When you come up with a reasonable plan, it will allow you to take the reigns and make it happen.  So, in essence, we just have to figure out where we want to use our energy, because life will take care of the rest.

This may be a bit of a weird stretch, but think of it like your respiratory system.  Your lungs will continue to take in and exhale air regardless of whether you tell it to.  But, you can also make a conscious effort to take a big calming breath.

Do not fight what you cannot control.  But take control of what you can and use it to your advantage.

I'm sure this is the slogan of some 'take back your world' seminar that I am too cheap and too cynical to pay for, but I'm owning it and living it anyways.

There are so many times when I fight things that have not even happened yet or that will happen regardless of what I do.

Once you understand that sometimes there are things that you simply cannot change--and that this is okay, in fact, it is normal--you can go about changing those things that you can.  Just accept that, for some reason or another, this world was made for you.

Tuck-ed away for a rainy day.

A good friend just made a bold move to pick up her life and shift it to the West Coast in pursuit of sunshine, happiness and truth.  A fellow blogger, and often the source of inspiration for -ed chronicle posts, she asked what had happened to my blog.  The last post published in late June.

"I'm just kinda...happy." I replied. 

When you think about some of the literature world's best known authors, one can conclude that happiness is not the best inspiration.  It is rare that a masterpiece sprouts from bliss.  Instead, one's best life work often is born from inner turmoil.  Think Poe, Hemingway, van Gogh.

But, she offered an interesting thought.  Happiness is a fleeting thing.  An entity that changes with the seasons, the circumstances, the hour.  It is important to preserve it in whatever form you can so that you can still find it in those moments it disappears.

What is it that makes you happy?

A feeling of accomplishment, acceptance, self-fulfillment?  Coming home to a big smile and loving arms at the end of the day?  Savoring the little things, without losing sight of the bigger picture?  Whatever it is that makes up your version of bliss--save it.  Tuck it away in a pocket for a rainy day.  Because sometimes it's just as difficult to find as it is to keep.

Wishing you bliss, Thursday evening sangria and tapas, and everything you're looking for.

Review-ed.

At work we're doing mid-year reviews.  It's easy to look back on the past 6 months and pick out the trademark events that chart your progress professionally.  Earned revenue, profit margin, inventory.  Business is meant to be measured quantitatively.  But how does one measure a personal life.  In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter in strife? (Rent reference).

I thought it might be a fun exercise to try.  In the past 6 months...

1.   I have renewed a lease, signing on for another year in this magnificent city we call NYC.
2.   I said my first whispered 'I love you' to the number one man in my life.
3.   I made a trip back to my favorite country in the world, and climbed (in a cable car) to the highest point in Europe.
4.   I skied, I beached, I hiked, and I rollercoastered.
5.   I saw two friends wed, and one baby cousin born.
6.   I said goodbye to the best puppy there ever was.
7.   I lived through the best birthday party and worst hangover of my life.
8.   I witnessed my first grand slam. (Go Posada!)
9.   I enjoyed 5 days in paradise with 5 of the best friends a girl could have.
10. I learned that sometimes, you just have to have faith.  And a cupcake.
11. I shared birthdays, paid visits to out of town friends, and encouraged the dreams of those around me.
12. I took the time to breath it all in because life really is measured in daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. 

Take a mid-year life inventory.  It's amazing how much you've done. Cheers to another brilliant six months!

I promise I'll be back again before then, though.