Befriend-ed.

Everyone says you find out who your true friends are when you're going through a hard time.  I think that's true, but in a very different sense. In the last few months, I've leaned on a lot of shoulders.  They come in different shapes and sizes with different coping mechanisms--thankfully, because I've needed them all.

Here are few fabulous friends to have around:

1.  The Flatterer. You know, the one that immediately tells you how [fill in the appropriate adjective here...wonderful, beautiful, strong, intelligent, creative, etc.] you are. 

2.  The Distracter. Look over here! Let's go there!  Read this thing!  Don't, under any circumstances, think about what I know you're thinking about.

3.  The Relater.  The one who has been there, in one way or another, and can tell you truthfully that she understands what you're going through.  She's also walking proof that you'll get through it.

4.  The Listener.  Sometimes all you need is to feel someone's presence next to you.  They sit and nod and pat you on the back when you need to talk, but are just as content to sit in silence and listen to what you can't say. 

5.  The Comic.  There is humor in everything if you turn it upside down enough times.  Whether it's through sarcasm, stupid humor, imitations, or just plain dirty jokes, the comic gives you relief in a very welcome way: the all-powerful laugh.

6.  The Questioner.  She's not afraid to ask the tough questions.  And she's not afraid of the tough answers, either.

7.  The Filter.  It's in our nature to believe that it's always about us.  The filter brings the bigger picture back into view and makes us realize that perhaps what we're going through is just a small piece of a much bigger puzzle.

I hope you have at least a few of these friends on speed dial.  And even more so, I hope that you are one of these people for someone else. 

That's all for today, friends.

Happiness, Sim-ed up.

Have you ever played the highly addictive computer game, The Sims?

When I was growing up, playing house involved a Fisher Price kitchennette, an easy bake oven, and a few unsuspecting friends who were willing to taste my underbaked mud pies.  Today, kids play house on the computer.  Whether this is sad or genius I don't quite know, but I'm referencing this computer game because it sheds some real light on real life.

My sister and I used to have a blast building imaginary lives and imaginary houses, developing imaginary careers and arranging imaginary furniture. And yet, when I think about it, it all was so realistic.

For those of you that are familiar with the game, you'll remember that each character had several basic needs that you were responsible for tending to in order to make sure they were happy and healthy.  Just like in real life, your avatar needed to eat, use the bathroom, stay fit, learn and have social interaction in order to maintain a healthy life.  Each of these tasks took a certain amount of time, and some days, you just couldn't fit it all in.

Isn't it the same deal with real life?  We know we have certain needs to tend to, but it's never as cut and dry as it was on the Sims.  But perhaps it should be.

Yesterday, I spent a very lonely and unproductive day at work.  All I really wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry.  But I knew that wouldn't boost my happiness meter one bit.  Instead, I laced up my running shoes, bolted out the door for the quickest 3 miles I've ever run, treated myself to a healthy vegetarian meal, and then headed back into the city to meet 4 of my favorite females for some much needed giggling, gossiping, and love.  By the end of the night, as I drifted off into much needed sleep, I realized that my happiness meter was right where it should have been--full.

Life will always have it's ups and downs, but as long as we take care of ourselves, we'll always win.  Thanks, Sims, for making something so complicated so simple in this digital world. 

What do you need today?

Toast-ed.

I'd like to propose a toast.

Here's to the people that inspire you to be a better version of yourself. It is rare that someone doesn't want to change who we are, but instead wants to improve how we are.

M--Thanks to you, I'm Tori 2.0.

Pockets Empti-ed.

We went out for Hudson Restaurant Week on Friday and this happened...

Two martinis,
Two stuffed bellies,
Two hours spent philosophizing in French,
Two fuzzy heads,
And what felt like two hundred dollars later,
The two of us drove home.

The rest of the weekend was spent baking cookies, watching cute French romantic comedies, lunching with old friends, playing Wii tennis, and cuddling.  My version of bliss.

This week will be a busy one, filled with book club (though I haven't read the book), a dinner with the boyfriend and out-of-country guests, and wedding dress shopping with a special friend.  I'm looking forward to it all!  However, after such a lavish weekend, the wallet is a little light.

This week's challenge is to keep as many pennies in my pocket as possible.  We'll see how it goes. 

What are your best tricks for staying on a budget?

Time, Wish-ed Away

Sitting at my desk on a cold January day, wishing that 5’oclock would come 8 hours early makes me sad. I never thought that I’d wish my time away. But when I take a step back, I’m simply wishing for time spent another way. Pretending to stare at e-mails like I care, filing things to fill the time, stressing about a typo in yesterdays report are not the things I want to make up my life.

I want sunsets watched from a breezy dock. I want cozy late nights baking and laughing with my baby sister. I want road trips to no where and everywhere, in search of the best strawberry milkshake. I want a candlelit table of friends, littered with empty wine glasses and bread crumbs.
I want a good relationship with an appreciative boss. I want fulfilling work and a comfortable work environment. I want to be financially stable, without having to negotiate between grocery shopping and a glass of wine with a friend. I want purpose. I want more hours for all the good stuff, and less of the not so great. I want my life, and no one else’s.

Sitting at my desk on a cold January day, watching the snow fall outside makes me realize I’m happy. These things are there for me, somewhere—today or down the line. They’re hiding in my pockets and in between my toes. They’re hiding in my inbox and under my nose. They’re there, showering down in big, white fluffy flakes. I just have to catch them as they fall.

PS - That's me.  I told you I'd introduce myself this year.  And today, it just felt right.  Nice to meet you all.

Google Reader-ed

Last night I had a long overdue catch up happy hour with a very dear friend.  We talked of blogs and life and dogs and vacation.  All the good stuff.  So, while we're on the topic of blogs and new years and resolutions, make it a new year's resolution to add these lovely blogs to your Google Reader immediately.  And if you don't have a Google Reader account, you obviously haven't been wasting enough of your time.

Here are three fabulous blogs I catch up on every morning over coffee:

KERF - Kath Eats Real Food is a fun way to look at eating and living wholesomely.  Follow Kath as she shares recipes, workout tips, and the ins and outs of opening a new branch of Great Harvest (amazing looking fresh breads) with her baker husband.

everyday musings - Love this girl's world.  I wish my everyday musings looked like this.  Well done, Olivia Rae.  Someone please make her s'mores brownies and send me a few Express Mail.

The Daily Garnish - A daily dose of life as a runner, vegetarian chef, wife, and dog owner.  Friends with KERF, she offers up really great veggie and vegan recipes to make even the most carnivourous eaters curious, like this yummy roasted eggplant dip.


There is plenty more where this came from.  What are your favorite blogs?  My GR could use a refresher.

pic: weheartit

Review-ed.

At work we're doing mid-year reviews.  It's easy to look back on the past 6 months and pick out the trademark events that chart your progress professionally.  Earned revenue, profit margin, inventory.  Business is meant to be measured quantitatively.  But how does one measure a personal life.  In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter in strife? (Rent reference).

I thought it might be a fun exercise to try.  In the past 6 months...

1.   I have renewed a lease, signing on for another year in this magnificent city we call NYC.
2.   I said my first whispered 'I love you' to the number one man in my life.
3.   I made a trip back to my favorite country in the world, and climbed (in a cable car) to the highest point in Europe.
4.   I skied, I beached, I hiked, and I rollercoastered.
5.   I saw two friends wed, and one baby cousin born.
6.   I said goodbye to the best puppy there ever was.
7.   I lived through the best birthday party and worst hangover of my life.
8.   I witnessed my first grand slam. (Go Posada!)
9.   I enjoyed 5 days in paradise with 5 of the best friends a girl could have.
10. I learned that sometimes, you just have to have faith.  And a cupcake.
11. I shared birthdays, paid visits to out of town friends, and encouraged the dreams of those around me.
12. I took the time to breath it all in because life really is measured in daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. 

Take a mid-year life inventory.  It's amazing how much you've done. Cheers to another brilliant six months!

I promise I'll be back again before then, though.

Happiness, Project-ed.

I was feeling a bit like I was sleep walking through the day so, this afternoon during my lunch break, I took a stroll through the bookstore downstairs.  While I was perusing the new releases, I stumbled upon a table that seemed to be entirely covered in books on finding happiness.  Happiness at Work, A Course in Happiness, The Nine Rooms of Happiness, and the one that caught my eye: The Happiness Project.

Perhaps the recession has left us all in search of something uplifting.  But, generally, I feel our society is down in the dumps.  And re-reading the first sentence of this blog post, I realize I might be too.

Flipping through one of the above-mentioned titles, I came across the following piece of advice: "Take an inventory of your life.  Make a list or description of what you have going for you.  Then make a list of the all the 'ifs' you think would make you happier--the 'if' I had this, then I'd be happier.  I'm not usually a believer in self-help editorial, but I was feeling particularly needy today, so I figured I'd give it a try.

So here's my inventory:

I am 23 years old, living in New York City on my own paycheck.  I'm a pretty decent cook, I can run a half-marathon, and I have a steady job, a fabulous roommate, and a boy I love who loves me back.  My family is supportive and involved in all that I do, and my friends know just how to bring the light I need into my life.  I know how to speak French fluently, and have a wonderful vacation planned for late May.  Writing comes quite naturally to me, I was born with a fairly proportional body, and luck usually seems to be on my side.  I accept that I am not perfect, but try my hardest.  Life in general, has never really been that hard.

And here are my ifs:

If I had a higher-paying job, then I might be happier.
If I had a more fulfilling job, then I might be happier.
If I had more time to travel, then I might be happier.

The result:
If I focused less on the ifs and more on the nows, then I might be happier.

Huh, maybe there is something to this happiness trend after all...
Book club, anyone?

Grammy, belov-ed.

I’ll never forget the day I found my first best friend.  We were out for ice cream one sticky summer afternoon, and my heart was beating fast in anticipation as we waited in a line of screaming kids with sticky hands and mud-spattered clothes.  While in line, I squeezed my friend’s hand and smiled, exposing my missing front tooth.  Finally, we were next.  While I stood on my tiptoes to gaze at all the flavors, she ordered for us.

“I’d like strawberry in a cone,” she began, pausing to glance back at the flavors nailed to the wall of the little gray shack.  I didn’t hear her finish ordering because by that time, I had two scoops of ice cream in my hands, and nothing else mattered to me.  Hardly able to contain my excitement, I gave a hard lick and watched as a ball of pink tumbled to the dirt.  As the tears swelled, I clenched my fists to keep from wailing, but just then my grandmother held out her cone.

“Here, you can have mine,” she said softly.  I looked at her, amazed that she would give up two scoops of strawberry heaven and hesitantly grasped the wafer cone.

Giving up her ice cream cone was not my grandmother’s most honorable action.  Throughout my life she has been by my side, holding my hand, giving me strength, and teaching me lessons without intending to.  That day, she taught me the value of friendship, a lesson that I consider one of the most important in life.  Radiating with strength, elegance, and kindness, my grandmother has been a continuous inspiration, reminding me that life is all about little pleasures and good friends to enjoy them with along the way.

A few years ago, she asked that I try on her wedding dress.  I pulled the yellowed silk gown over my head, smoothing the torn lace while she and my mother snapped photos.  My grandmother has always wished to be at my wedding, but because she is now 92, and battling the late stages of severe Alzheimer's, I don't know if this dream is realistic.  However, whether or not she is sitting in the church, she will be with me—in a piece of yellowed lace sewn over my heart.

Question-ed: Love vs. Duty

This weekend I felt as though I was sitting at the round table convention of real people.  My friends the doctor, the teacher, and the actor, (and me, the bookbinder) sat at brunch discussing the life decisions that stood in front of us.

The doctor talked about choosing a specialty.  Do I choose the path that I know I love, that I know I'm good at, but that I know will rule every free moment of my time, leaving very little room for anything else?  Or do I choose the path that I could enjoy, am marginally good at, but will afford me room to have a life of my own?

The teacher talked about getting her masters.  Do I pay $30,000 a year for a two-year program that will exhaust me mentally and financially and move me back to a city I don't want to be in, but eventually get me a license to do what I love?  Or do I stay where I am, do what is stable, but is not my passion?

The actor talked about auditions.  Do I continue to go after my dream of being a star, though I know how largely unrealistic that can be?  Or do I settle on my comfortable path of studies and gallery work that pays the bills, but will never fulfill my desire to be on the big stage or big screen?

And I spoke of the bookbinding business.  Do I continue to turn page after page in my tiny cubicle, learning different techniques of the same skill because its safe, because I don't know what else I could get paid for, because I'm scared?  Or do I give it all up, start over from scratch and pursue what I love, even if that meant giving up my free hour for my blog?

It shouldn't have amazed me that this question was so universal, but somehow it did.  This eternal question of love vs. duty seems to apply to everyone, regardless of their profession.  However, despite the universality of the question, it seems that the answers are as different as open heart surgery and a lesson plan.  And so the doctor, the teacher, the actor, and the bookbinder went on their way into the beginning of the week in search of answers...

pic:weheartit

Be Littl-ed.

This morning my aunt sent me one of those chain e-mails that tells some cheesy story about an old man and the good deeds he did paying off even after he passed away.  I was about to delete it when I saw the quote at the bottom, "It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived."  For some reason, this resonated with me.  Life is the little smiles at strangers, the long overdue phone calls to old friends, and the cups of coffee shared with Mom.  It is holding the door for your neighbor, laughing with Dad, and playing fetch with the pup.  Take time to recognize all the ordinary miracles that make up our days.

To quote a famous coffee table book, life is too short to 'sweat the small stuff,' but the greatest of lives are filled with small stuff. 

Don't belittle people, be littl-ed.

pic: weheartit

Luck-ed out

I'm blessed to have fantastic friends.  Without hesitation, I can state that I have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a lended ear, and an eye watching my back--and all of these don't necessarily belong to the same body.  Often times life doesn't feel like it's happening unless we have someone to share it with--kind of like the "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?" theory, I wonder, "if there isn't a friend to laugh at your jokes, are they funny?  if there wasn't a friend to wipe away your tears, would you cry?"

Friends are the pieces of reality that make life feel like a dream.  Undoubtedly, we all feel lucky to have these people in our lives; however finding those friends may not involve as much luck as we think it does.  A few years ago, I read a book called Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss.  I highly recommend it for anyone who has ever thought about the existence of multiple lives, and anyone who has ever tried to explain a higher being in a less than traditional sense.

Essentially, the one idea that I took away from the book, was the idea that certain souls travel together from one life to the next.  We have all, at one point or another, felt we've known someone forever upon first meeting them.  That feeling of having already spent a lifetime with someone before is explained simply--perhaps you have.

Now, the last thing that I care to do is to make a firm statement of what I believe to be the truth.  Because I can't say for sure exactly what I believe.  But I do want to make you think, to question all the things that you already question, and then question them again.  If only to make you appreciate it all a little bit more.

It may not have been luck that led you to find your best friends, but you sure are lucky to have them.

pic:weheartit

I'm Soul-ed.

With all the words in all the languages of this crazy world, you would think we would have enough to describe the things that happen to us on a daily basis, to explain the way we feel.  But there never seems to be enough, does there?

Being somewhat of a word nerd, I spend quite a lot of time searching for the right ones.  Recently, I was trying to explain what the most important aspect of a relationship was--that indescribable connection we feel with another human being (a lover, a friend, a sister, a mother, etc.).  What exactly makes up that connection?  Instead of using words, I found myself providing examples:

• You laugh about something so hard you start crying, and then you suddenly realize that it's not even that funny, but in that moment, that particular moment, to you two, it is the funniest thing that has ever occurred.
• You talk with your faces.  They know what your eyes are saying, and what that little smirk that isn't really a smile and isn't really a frown means.  And they respond, not in words, but in nose crinkles and eyebrow raises.
• You consider them in even your smallest decisions--and don't ever consider it a sacrifice.
• You never feel embarrassed around them because they already know you too well.  
• You keep all of their little secrets, quirks, and idiosyncrasies tucked away in a pocket for safe keeping.  Because you know yours are safe in theirs.

It's all these little examples that create that connection.  When I thought about it hard enough, I realized the word I was looking for was soul.  The real true relationships, the ones worth preserving, are made up of soul.  Think about it, all the best things in the world are made up of it...the best music, the best cooking, the best art. 

The Beatles may have once said that 'all we need is love,' but there is no love without soul. 

Chipp-ed, Crack-ed, Crumbl-ed.

A wise (and fabulously spectacular) woman I know reminded me this morning that it's important to "Always remember you're you regardless of the other people around you."  We were discussing relationships and how positively terrifying they can be at times.  Imagine letting someone else in, depending on them, caring for them, (deep breath) even loving them, only to find that they aren't about to stick around.
  
Then what happens?  If we're lucky, we survive with minor chips and cracks.  Like water that freezes in the crevices of an old concrete sidewalk, we expand with the presence of others.  When spring comes and they melt away at the first sight of warm sunlight, we're left with cracks and holes.  Cracks and holes that will eventually be filled in with moss and inevitably the frost of the next winter.  Every once in a while, we crumble completely, leaving behind only particles of sand from the strong, solid block we were before.  But no matter what state we end up in after a hard winter, we still exist. You're still you.  Sure, the elements have taken their toll, but there is never a spring that arrives when we can't somehow make the necessary repairs.

Though through the winter, the ice seems adhered to the sidewalk as if they were one in the same, it is important to recognize that they are in fact separate elements.  When the ice melts, the sidewalk remains.  When a relationship melts, the most important parts are still intact.  In essence, you're you regardless of the relationship you're in, the friends you associate with, the family that supports you.  The people and situations around you will always change, but you can handle anything as long as you believe it's possible.

Often we forget this simple adage.  We're so afraid of letting anyone in, in fear that one day the ice will melt and leave us broken beyond repair. We forget that one day, too, the pulverized particles of sand left from the crumbled concrete might wash away and be at peace at the depths of the sea.

It's good to be lov-ed.

All the good stuff in the world was meant for my friends.

(Thanks for being patient.  A new post is just around the river bend.)

Unemploy-ed.

One afternoon while on a long run, I got to thinking.  This was during the long months of unemployment following college, so naturally, my thoughts wandered into the familiar realm of bewildered self-discovery.  I found myself quietly constructing a “What I Should Have Done with the First 23 Years of my Life” list.  It went a little something like this: study English…real English, the classics.  Write. Had a little more, or a little less, fun—serious work pays off just as much as being a free spirit does.  Majored in psychology—I would have written the best books on “self.”  Volunteered—read to the elderly, or the young.  Became a chef, or a food critic, or a wine connoisseur.  Read the lyrics of “Better People” by Xavier Rudd for a more poetic rendition of all this.

…but I guess there’s still time.  And it isn’t until just now that I have even the slightest clue of what I wanted all along.  Life is funny like that.  The majority of us don’t figure out who we really are (or at least want to be) until we’re too old to make it happen.  Or too pessimistic to try.  The world teaches us that most dreams are impossible. Perhaps, the reason for living is to prove the world wrong.  It often seems we live right-side up in a world of upside-downs.

Whenever these kinds of thoughts start swirling around in my head, I call my grammar school best friend who now lives in Sydney, Australia with her boyfriend, a full-time lifeguard and star of a hit reality TV series.  She always was a bit of a free spirit, often dragging me into the muddy stream to “save the minnows” or conducting séances in her basement to speak to the Indian ghosts she believed her house was built over.

“Life is taking you too seriously,” she told me.  At first, I thought she had been sipping a few too many Fosters, but just before I could correct her, she explained herself.  “Over there in America, you all have a formula to follow.  If you don’t graduate from college, get a desk job, land a husband, and start a family, society tells you you’re doing something wrong.  But, if you ask me, that equation is missing a hell of a lot.”

“I guess so,” I managed.
“Sure, all of those things are great…and if there is anyone that is meant to be a mom, it’s you.  But where is the fun?  What ever happened to exploring, traveling, doing something crazy—something worth writing a book about?”

And so I'm taking her advice.  We need to take life seriously--go after our dreams, follow our heart--without letting life take us too seriously.  Make sense?

Chicken-ed Out.

I want to be sitting at this counter with a giant platter of fresh cheese and crackers in front of me, a balloon glass of delicious red wine, and some soothing French music on in the background while I chat with Diane Keaton about her love affair with Jack Nicholson.  (Yes, another Diane Keaton reference.  Ever see Something's Gotta Give?  Classy, turtleneck-loving, writer/mother Diane Keaton flits around this kitchen in the movie.)

Sadly, my New York kitchen is about the size of the double-wide doorway on the left (if that), but one day I'll have a kitchen this grand.  Another tidbit you should know about me is that I absolutely LOVE to cook...and eat.  One of my favorite recipes to make is called 'Cranberry Chicken' because it only involves 4 ingredients, tastes delicious, and is the perfect dish for a dinner party.  You stick it in the oven an hour before you wish to serve dinner, and then you're free to mingle with your guests (aka eat cheese and crackers while gossiping about your love affairs...see above).  No slaving over a hot stove all evening.

Cranberry Chicken:

1 bottle French dressing

1 packet Knorr's French Onion Soup dry mix

1 can whole cranberry sauce

4 chicken breasts

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Wash and dry the chicken breasts.  Mix first three ingredients together in a shallow glass baking dish.  Add chicken and coat with mixture.  Cover dish with aluminum foil and bake for 50 minutes.  Uncover and bake for 10 minutes more.  Remove from oven, let cool for 5 minutes.  Serve with rice and vegetable in season.

Cranberry Chicken is truly delicious, but it seems I make chicken over and over, just in different ways.  I could use a few easy, non-chicken recipes.  Any suggestions?  Leave me a comment with your favorite and I'll make an experiment out of it. 

And Diane Keaton, if you're reading this...I'll have you (and Jack) over for dinner anytime.

Rain-ed Out.

God, I love when it rains in New York.  Always uptight New Yorkers let out heartfelt sighs as they duck out of the rain and slide into barstools to meet friends for a neighborhood drink.  A constant stream of sunshine and brake lights reflects off the wet streets as yellow cabs go rushing by.  And NY women break out the boots.  Oh, the boots! The beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boots!

We climb the stairs to our cozy walk-up apartment to indulge in a steaming cup of green mint tea and a good book as we listen to the steady rhythm of the rain on the window.  The world is quieter, more peaceful, and best of all, we have an excuse to stay inside and get away from it all.

God, I love when it rains in New York.

Stoop-ed.

We're really dumb sometimes.  You know that?  Really dumb.  We have vendettas against people for so long that we forget why we're even holding the grudge.  And to be honest, there's no room in this world for grudges.  They're the cause of war, heartbreak, and loss.  Why do I bring this up, you ask? Well, last night I had dinner with my mom and a few old friends of ours.  One of the women that attended, I've known since I was in kindergarten, and despite our mother's closeness, I've never been able to let go of the idea that she just doesn't seem to like me.  I never really understood why and so instead of confronting her and talking it out, I've just avoided her at every family function and told my mother we 'just were very different people.'  But last night, for the first time since we've known each other, we finally were able to sit down and talk/act like adults.  Suddenly the dark cloud that had been looming over a could-be friendship lifted and oddly enough, we realized we have a ton in common.  All it took was a fresh outlook and a little laughter to make us see that we could have been really great friends all this time.  So, I've made a personal resolution to start anew--spread the love.  I can now argue that ignorance is not bliss--sometimes ignorance is the one thing standing in our way of a good thing.  So let's stop being stoop-ed and start making friends.

Vindicat-ed.

It's Friday at 4:53PM and my weekend begins in 7 minutes.  Here's what's on the playlist for the next 3 days:

1. Pseudo-date. (No details for fear of jinxing.)
2. Sleep in, overstuffed bed, fresh sheets.
3. Brunch with the girls, cappuccino, gush about pseudo-date.
4. Search for perfect fall coat, find unneeded but perfect new ring.
   
5. Dinner party chez moi for out of town guests, homemade pizzas, wine, love.
6. More sleeping in, read, pray for morning rain for excuse to stay in bed longer.
   
7. Mid-morning cinnamon coffee, walk in park, stop at museum for leisurely tour.
8. Meet Mom for dinner, show off new ring, ask for fall coat.
9. Wait for pseudo-date to call.
10. Bliss.