Smok-ed Apple Pie

Sometimes I wish there was a purely healthy form of smoking.  Is that weird?  Perhaps as dangerous for your health as lighting a portable scented candle. 

Standing on a chilly street corner, waiting for the bus, I think 'Wouldn't it be great to have something warm to puff on? Wouldn't it be sexy to be surrounded by a cloud that smells like cinnamon and cloves and apple pie?  And in the next room I enter, everyone would take a deep breath--of me--and smell home?'  There's no need for addictive chemicals or harmful additives; it would be like the perfectly ripe, juicy fruit in a world of sticky candy.

These apple pie cigarettes would of course only work in the winter.  Who wants to puff on a garden stick in the middle of summer as sweat drips from their brow?  Like mittens or earmuffs, the scented sticks would serve only as a means for warmth, company, and fragrance.  Like a smokey perfume that passes the lonely hours by your side.  Wouldn't that be nice?