So the past few days have been a bit of a struggle. After a few tears, many bouts with frustration, and a large dose of support, I've finally come up with an acceptable post. Because let's be honest, who wants to read a "poor me pity party post?" (How's that for some alliteration?) This blog project began as an escape from the mundane-ness of work--a way to sort out my thoughts and have a little fun along the way. However, lately my thoughts have been a bit unruly. Usually if I can keep busy at work, I don't think about how much I wish I wasn't at work, but recently I haven't been able to get my mind on anything else. So after some trial and error (wine, beer, tequila...although temporary solutions to the problem always left me feeling worse off than before), I decided that the solution might be running.
Why is it that when our bodies are busiest, our minds are most at peace? It is only when I'm running, all muscles engaged, that I have my clearest, most inspiring ideas. The rest of the world seems to melt away and it is just me and my thoughts. I feel like just as we must routinely organize our desk, clean the bathroom, and re-stock the fridge, our minds need a re-org on a regular basis. The housekeeper needs to come in and "straighten up" the place.
Admittedly, sometimes my mind feels like a teenager's dorm room during finals, the floor scattered with dirty clothes, empty pizza boxes, and unfinished term papers. And yet other times, it feels like my grandmother's living room, not a thing out of place--a quick dust and we're good to go. Whatever the state of my thoughts, a run always serves as my housekeeping. As my sneakers pound the pavement, I can sort through the cobwebs in my brain, tucking the thoughts about disappointments and missed opportunities under the rug, and displaying the bright, inspired ones front and center on the coffee table.
Lately, the need for these runs has become more and more apparent. I've been taking advantage of the beautiful fall-esque weather and opting for long shaded jaunts in Central Park. Whether it's the endorphins pumping through my blood stream (anyone else wonder why no one has been able to develop an 'endorphin drug'? I'd inject that juice directly into my bloodstream without batting an eyelash), the tightening of my hamstrings, or the ability to let my mind run free that helps sort everything out, I'm not sure. But what I realized last night as I rounded the lower loop of CP is that that's okay. In fact, that uncertainty seems to be the essence of life. If we were sure about everything, there'd be nothing left to discover. And when you really think about it, we'll probably never have everything sorted out. That's the whole point--that just when we have everything alphabetized on the bookshelves of our minds, life comes in and pulls all the books off the shelves so they fall open to new, unread pages.
(photo from weburbanist.com)